I have a test

I have an appointment with my neurologist tomorrow morning. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging by saying, "my neurologist," it's absolutely my first time seeing one. I just have to keep adding the word "my" to make it more personal and less frightening. The appointment will probably consist of introducing ourselves and then recounting my 6 weeks in the hospital during my awful strike of meningitis. Then we are supposed to start the test(s). 

I'm not exactly sure what testing will be done, I know that there will be cat scans and a possible lumbar poke, which I'm hoping doesn't happen because I had 3 done in those 6 weeks of meningitis. I'm worried of what the results will be because, I think I feel so great that I'll probably be slapped down with reality. My doctor says I'm probably 80% recovered but mentioned that one of he secondary concerns during recovery was nerve damage, so the neurologist will be testing for that as well. I was audibly thrilled. 

I keep telling myself that it's gonna go by quick. That we are just gonna do a 1-2-3 testing and done. I'm hoping for an hour, maybe 2, of testing. Fingers crossed. On the bright side: I will have my bedroom wallpapered by Monday. Yay! 

It's the little things…

So far...

Ok...

I'm really pushing myself to stick to the said "to-do list" that I set myself, and as promised, I did purchase an important piece of furniture for the month of May. I bought a headboard for my bedroom. Now, I moved back to California from Arizona in the summer of 2012, when I came back I was...let's say: rushed. So I had to make sure I could fit in a Budget trailer attachment to my Tundra. At that rushed time I could only afford the one bedroom trailer, so I had to dump everything except for things. Things such as: books, dvds, kitchenware, dishes, towels. I left all furniture, including my bed, behind.

Anyway!

Here's my stupid face of enjoyment with said headboard behind me.

Please don't judge my awful burnt orange wall. The entire room was painted that awful Gerber baby food color and I have already painted 3 of the 4 walls; the only reason I left one that disgusting carrot soup color is because I plan on wallpapering the wall. I too have lagged on doing this, as i've had the wallpaper for about 8 months now... yeah, i know. Anyway. I'm hoping  planing to reach out to this wallpaper specialist my friend recommend me last year on Monday, and see when she's available to come down and give me a quote. 

To do list

I bought my first home last year at the end of May. It was almost like a birthday present to myself from myself (and a little help from mom). I knew I didn't want a yard, because the thought of having to pay someone to do my yard work- let alone doing it myself gave me hives. So I  settled for a 2bedroom/2bathroom condominium, which is really just a longer word for apartment in my opinions, in downtown Long Beach. My neighborhood is a loud neighborhood, it's full of personality and it makes me feel comfortable because I feel I can get lost in it. Not lost in a bad way, but lost in a safe way. You'd have to be crazy to understand.   

Once I moved in I set an end of year deadline to have furnished what I felt would be enough to be presentable at a housewarming party. I would say I got about 65% done by the end of that year. A lot of the year was spent debating. Debating what shape the coffee table would be. What color the shelving would be. What color pops did I want to use? How did I feel about pillows? Uselssss questions and endless I'll waiting out's. The money ended up spent on lavish dinners where the calorie count was higher in alcohol than actual food. My deadline was lost in the dishes. 

The following year (this year) came in with a bang! I was slapped with a terrible case of meningitis and spent the next 2 months in a hospital followed by a month, so far, of recovery. It's safe to say not much more decorating or furnishing has happened to this new condo of mine. I spent this last weekend at the condo (with permission from my at-home-nurse a.k.a. mom) and I realized how much time and money I've been wasting by not committing and making the call or decision on some things. I mean I haven't put up the wallpaper in my room simply because I'm too timid to pick up the phone and set up an appointment for a quote. 

Yes, moving into a new home with nothing but a mattress can be overwhelming. Making lasting decisions because this is your home now, not just a place you're renting for the next 10 months, can be stressful but really I think I was only making it stressful by telling myself how stressful it was. I vow that for the remaining months of this year I will do my absolute best to purchase at least one piece of furniture for the condo biweekly. I mean if it was easy enough to spend $100 on a Friday night sushi and sake date, then it should be no sweat off my back to drop 200$ biweekly on something I need for the home of my present and my future. 

Welcome back!

I have too many loose ends in my life, too much unfinished business, too many incomplete projects. I give up and or get bored too easily. Or perhaps the latter is an excuse...

I'm hoping this return to internet venting is a longer lasting one. I have so much pent up energy that maybe writing it out can help me cool down. I think that's generally why writers write, and blogger blog... to get it out. Right? Meh. We shall see...

Welcome back to my tremendous life!

Blue Velvet

I slept all day today. Not cause I was hungover; I wasn't even really tired; at least not mentally or physically. Is it tacky to say, I felt my soul was worn down?
It was a weight unlike heart break, bereavement, or even guilt and embarrassment. It was...almost camouflaged between all the tragedies and obstacles life has tossed me.
I woke with a snap. It was 3:50 and I was ready to get out.
I drove and drove. I wasn't sure where I would go, but I knew I wanted to follow the sunset; so I headed to PCH.
As I watched the storm clouds hover over the coast, I connected the song to that blue velvet coast: through it all, I still see blue velvet through my tears.
I don't see myself leaving this coast, not unless its on business or vacation; my roots are here, and I don't plan on deforesting my soul anytime soon.
-Judas

Fools rush in.

I gave into it, I really believed it could and in fact WOULD work. It turned out to be nothing but a mirage; a daydream I didn't want to let go of.
I don't know if I'm hurt or embarrassed, but the knot in my chest is unbearable. How could I be so naïve.
"Wise men say: only fools rush in."

No wonder I'm so jaded.

Answers

Dear Danvy,
...I just need to know if what I'm doing is right...