I realize now, more than ever... Probably because I'm jobless and bored out of my mind, but movies in the 70's through...I would say extremely early 90's...like maybe 90 and 6 months; these movies were made for dates. I miss the era of the date. When was the last time you went on a date? (singles only) Not meet at a bar, or a party, or a best friends work party. A date. Dessert, walking, movies, talking and making out. Back to the reason why i'm talking about all this making out... In my lazy hours, I've been able to catch early HBO, Cinemax films and, let me say...these movies are a perfect length with perfect moments full of null. The ideal make out moment. There are several. I've been watching Taxi Driver, from 1976, for the past 37 minutes and I could have made out at least once and still have those breathing breaks where I could follow up on the film. Now-a-days movies are too fast, too extreme... What happened to enjoying life?

update:

Recalled a dream from last night of an albino rat, all while watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Rats

To see a rat in your dream signifies feelings of doubts, greed, guilt, unworthiness and envy. You are keeping something to yourself that is eating you up inside. Or you have done something that you are not proud of. Alternatively, a rat denotes repulsion, decay, dirtiness, and even death. The dream may also be a pun on someone who is a rat. Are you feeling betrayed?

In particular, to see a black rat represents deceit and covert activities. If you see a white rat in your dream, then it means that you will receive help from an unexpected source.

To dream that a rat is biting your feet is analogous to the rat race that you are experiencing in your waking life.

It was my pet, but he (at least it felt like it went from androgynous to male at times) was angry...jealous of Marley?

Foggy now. Oh well...
*fingers crossed*

Empty

I can't seem to find the right route...
Correction: I can find the right route, in fact, I have found it. I know the road by heart. I've walked it over and over in my head. I know just where the the turns are, where leaves land, where ground moistens, and where the trees provide the best shade.
On my flight home, Radio by Lana Del Rey came on my Blackberry and all I could do was relate.
Finally.
I was finally on the right road, I was doing what I used to make up in my head. The job that I always envisioned was here. I was living it. I was traveling, I was supporting, I was motivating and inspiring others. Most importantly; I was impressing a lot of important people. In short: work has been great. As the song says, "Like a fuckin dream, I'm livin it."

Now if I can just get my personal life on this, said road. I came home and of course I manage to realize that I haven't managed my finances at all... It's sad that I can be so in control of my work life, so motivated, so eager to keep growing and yet, with my personal life I can't seem to run a God damn thing...
It's really embarrassing. I'm embarrassed of myself...
I keep promising myself to focus on myself week after week.
*sigh*
I've got to focus.

That Horse

In my life I've realized, I'm the kind of person that not only holds on to things, but I also hope for a change of an action that has already taken place. I'm not sure if that means I constantly live in regret...but I always look back.


When listening to Shake It Off by Florence + the Machine, I realized that song is my life in lyrics.

I'm always dragging that horse around.


Hopefully soon, like she sings, I'll bury that horse in the ground.

Exhausted

This insomnia is taking over my nights.
It's like sometimes I find myself dreading the evening because I know I'll have to battle with it. I've got to figure something out.

Get it together

Dear Danny,
You've got to figure your shit out. What's wrong? What is that void? Why is it constantly nagging at you?
Get your shit together. Look in the mirror, you can only call yourself a pig so many times.
Do something.
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
Figure it out
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Seriously, figure it out.
I'm tired of it.

The unknown.

I can't even pin point the feeling I get when I recollect.
It's not anger, or anxiousness. It's more like...embarrassment.

Not an embarrassment of the memory,an embarrassment of looking back at it.
Almost like inside I feel like, I'm too good to look back.

Maybe I am.
I should really stick to that, it makes erasing memories less awkward.