To truly love thyself.

You know what truly does make everything different? The satisfaction of oneself; it truly can be the biggest curse upon a man. It's that willingness and eagerness to socialize, to flap at the mouth, to raise arms. It's all of that. Knowing that you have and can accomplish it. Day in day out. It's knowing it and wanting to show it off. To show them: "Look what I can do!"
I've done that. I can do that, and I don't want to do that. For some reason when I do, I feel cheap. I feel like...like it's the copy of the final, for a 100% score.
Not fair.



So here I am, trying something new, being ok with: let downs, mishaps, goodbyes, rejections.


So does this make me one that becomes so ok with himself, he doesn't want to share it?
That's my immediate response to my own satisfactions and then it becomes a battle of,
"Is this a feel good moment, or should I be worried about my mental health?"

I'm shutting myself off from the world, cause I don't want to be the person I was back home, because for some reason I feel I can only act like that back at home-- do you see how fucking weird this is?



Christ.




"Some people underestimate the battles within a Gemini," a lover said to me once.

I wish that one would have worked out the most.