Saturday, December 31, 2011

The end ['11]

There are so many tales of how to start your year the right way. I've heard of wearing green underwear for a prosperous and healthy year; wearing red for a powerful and love filled year; throwing a glass full of water into the street, if it breaks your year will be positive, if it doesn't, you'll have a hard year.
Do they work? Fuck if know. I've tried them all since I was about 15, not sure it ever worked. Not sure I even remembered which one I tried on which year. The last 2 years have been my most memorable for many reasons-

2010- Moved to AZ against my family and friends wishes. Was accompanied by my very best friend who lived with me for about 8 months. That year brought a lot of inner struggles: Who am I? Why did I come here? Is this worth it? Who will forget me? Who will support me? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? In that same year I had friends from home come out to visit me, to support me, to love me.
I spent most of my days working and trying to experience my new environment, with so much hatred towards it, I guess that's why I spent most of my days in regret and in alcohol. It's the only way I knew how to keep myself calm.
In 2010 I also went to jail. Sure it was only 15 days incarcerated but it came with 15 days of house arrest and of course 72 hours of the dreaded classes. After that I went straight to California, straight home to what I had hoped would be my saving grace. I rang the death of 2010 with family, friends and drugs.

2011- I renewed my lease, something I thought I would never do. I was already so fed up with the thought of being alone and in trouble, that I figured: what more can I lose? Surprisingly, I didn't lose much, in fact I actually gained. I became more aware of myself, my loneliness, my desires, my wants...
I met actual friends, people that I enjoyed spending my time with and make memories. And memories I did make.
I can't say much about 2011 that is foul, it really became a year of satisfaction. Sure I didn't go above and beyond my expectations, but I was happy; and that was all I was really looking for.

My belief in myths and legends?
Well...when I closed 2009 in Arizona I drank myself stupid and into fits of anger. In 2010 I got my DUI and spent the year angry at my enviornment.
When I closed 2010 in California I rang it in with mounds of cocaine and bottles and bottles and bottles, surrounded by loved ones and comfort. In 2011 I found drugs in AZ and found myself comfortable and happy alone.
Closing 2011 I'll be in Arizona, alone, let's hope for the best in 2012.

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